Separation and Divorce

A commonly used coaching question is – “What do you know today that you’ll find out in a year’s time?” This is an invitation to use one’s intuition in our conscious life. It is not irrational to use all our senses, especially those from deep within that help us know right from wrong. Also, when explaining how coaching works, I often find it useful to consider the re-entry to the atmosphere of a vehicle from deep space. If it hits the atmosphere obliquely it might bounce off and be lost forever. If it comes in too steeply it burns up. Even when it comes in at the optimum angle things get so hot that communication is temporarily lost. Massive adjustment resulting from separation and divorce is difficult and usually very painful. Following the Brexit vote the UK and EU must now negotiate for their new reality. After a 40 year union it will be hard to pick apart the legislation that has governed our existence. Predictably, both sides are posturing and preparing for difficult talks. Within all the political parties in the UK there have always been rumblings of dissent about the EU. To some this reflects a lack of commitment. To others a justifiable response to an increasingly strident European Commission composed of non-elected bureaucrats. To those tuned in to an inner voice, the UK zeitgeist was clearly disengaging for some time under a sickening display of xenophobia. There are turbulent times ahead for all parties to the talks. Initially there may be brutal recriminations as hurts are expressed but maturity makes it clear that only a Win-Win mentality makes any sense. In sexist terms - as the ex-wife learns to change the engine oil or the ex-husband learns to cook, there are new skills to be gained and new accommodations to be made. In the heat of relationship meltdown it is inevitable that self-preservation kicks in. The UK and the EU are squaring up as do couples entering mediation or the divorce courts. But afterwards there is always great scope for growth. New perspectives open up new possibilities. Great pain can open minds like little else. As the modern day beatitudes put it – ‘Blessed are the broken, they let the light in’. Coaching sessions will seldom get fiery. The coach’s gig will be short lived if she becomes confrontational with her client. Rather the aim is to create a safe learning space for the client, wherein the only heat generated emanates from the client confronting the image he views in the mirror. The skilful coach will assist her client’s greatest learning and help him ride the rapids of change to emerge at a new level of consciousness when the heat subsides. He will consciously listen to his intuition and extend his sense perception creating new options, new outcomes and a richer life.