Set Points

It has long been known that the growing child, in the womb, takes as normal the level of hormones in circulation in the mother’s blood. This means that before the child is even born it has unconsciously learned what ‘normal’ levels of stress and normal weights are. When in later life the individual wants to de-stress or reduce weight, she can find herself struggling against her very physiology. Returning to ‘Factory Settings’ may mean accepting their predicament exactly as is. Although this may be looked upon as a convenient Get-Out for some who don’t want to believe their situation can change, and so effort is futile, it masks the fact that change actually requires acceptance of where and how we are in any moment. This was put to me in a slightly different way at the weekend when a friend spoke of how his daily mediation routine now included a ‘brain scan’ in which he would ask if there was anything he could do to serve his mind and body so that it would be optimally positioned to take him through the day. This level of introspection was born from a deep sense of self care rather than accusation. He was entering into a respectful and purposeful dialogue with his subconscious before setting out on his day of discovery and service as he moves toward the image of his life that he wants to manifest. It reminded me of a pivotal moment in my life as a project manager when my effectiveness was multiplied many fold when I adopted the stance of team facilitator rather than driver. Instead of telling everyone what they had to do I was inviting them to express themselves with maximum creativity toward achieving our collective goal. The energy level in the group soared. While physical set points may be immediately obvious, the mental and spiritual set points are generally harder to recognise. Rather than a genetic inheritance, mental and spiritual components are more down to nurture than nature. ‘The apple never falls far from the tree’ is another way of saying that an individual’s behaviour is largely determined by one’s parenting. A child growing up in an abusive household or one with poor or no role models, will develop survival strategies just to get by. Their set points have generally not equipped them for collaboration in society. They are more likely to get into trouble and have their schooling disrupted. In many cases a tendency to be unruly may result in their being medicated to impose docility and compliance. It’s easier to ply children with medication than to help them work through their challenges in more helpful ways. Irrespective of whether we’re born into privilege or deprivation, we’re all damaged to some degree and our perspective of the world distorted. Depending on our ability to function we may seek healing in our lives and embark on the journey of self-actualisation through life-coaching or psychotherapy. ‘Life Happens’ so that we are dealt a variety of ‘learning experiences’ from which we can choose to grow better or bitter but the further our set point is from ‘reality’ the more the adjustment is going to hurt. Introspection and healing is often painful and most of us avoid it. It’s also very hard to appreciate our environment when it’s an integral part of our life. – How would a goldfish describe water? Understanding and accepting exactly where our set points lie can provide the impetus to change but understandably we seldom want to go there. If you do choose to make the journey it’s important to have the right support and to choose a travel companion you trust to hold the mirror to you. Someone who’ll challenge you but also soothe, encourage and support you as you go on your way.