Happy Valentine's Day

Valentines Day conjours up images of romantic love, of roses, champagne and chocolates. For many people this is what makes the world go round, and without doubt it is totally intoxicating when our Ego Barriers fall. In this state our world is expanded into that of our partner and we experience bliss. Nice! Sadly, the spell soon wears off and the real process of love begins. My ex-wife drove this point home with her jibe “Love is a Verb”. She was right of course. With a young family she felt abandoned to the night-time feeds and nappy changes and later to the life of a taxi driver and social secretary. I did the best I could armed with what I had in terms of my own upbringing but I was unprepared for the real work and the responsibilities of being a Dad. More fundamentally I was emotionally unprepared for the role of husband and it is with considerable sadness that I look back on the loss of a relationship that once meant so much. I’m immeasurably richer for the experience however and feel real gratitude for the learning from the rollercoaster ride of my life. I’m also delighted to have three sons, all fine young men now and making their way confidently in the world. In ‘The Power of Now’, Eckhart Tolle addresses the contribution that relationships play in the spiritual journey. I felt a momentary consolation at his observation that women tend to be more emotionally present in relationship, but then felt decidedly uncomfortable as he listed, with remarkable accuracy, the myriad ways that I resisted growth and clung to a romantic notion that had long since become a fiction. Yes, I’m red-faced as I write; “Guilty as charged your Honour” So what now? I wonder. Like a lamb to the slaughter I might fall-in-love again. ‘One knows not the day nor the hour’ it is said. If it happens it’s only because there’s so much more to learn. We’re prone to make the same mistakes again and again until the penny drops. Experience tells me there’s little so painful as a relationship ending, but the blissful hope accompanying its beginning is enough to blind us to reality. Romance is the one form of insanity that is universally celebrated. Today then may I be first to applaud all young lovers sitting staring at their beloved and to wish them health, happiness and success. Whatever challenges come their way may they meet them with serenity and learn life’s most important lessons well. Should pain be part of the package, let it not embitter them nor cause lasting harm. Rather may their education bring them to a deeper self-knowledge and sense of purpose. Now tell me. Is Cupid the one carrying the bow or the trident?