Back to School

Last week I enrolled for yet another course of study, which generated mixed feelings. On the one hand I felt excitement at the thought of pursuing an interest and passion. On the other I feared that I’d over committed myself both in time requirements and financially. Although these appear very genuine concerns, passion won. I know that one day I’ll look back on this decision with satisfaction. By any manner of evaluation I’m a ‘mature student’. Long ago I first entered university as a spotty faced, long haired youth. Back then I did not recognise the experience for the privilege that it is. I saw it more as a rite of passage and an opportunity to taste many forbidden fruits. It’s sometimes said that if you remember Woodstock you weren’t there and likewise most of my memories of Manchester in the 1970s were enthusiastically erased even as they formed. Fortunately my attitudes have changed over the years, though I recognise that my behaviour back then was very ‘normal’ for the insecure youth that I was. Many mistakes were made. There are many events whose recollection discomfort me and though the emotional mind would undo them, rationally they collectively formed the person I am today. Fortunately the clock only advances. Today, as a coach, I am interested in the learning that experiences bring. Today I can rationally accept the primacy of emotion in our evaluation of events. Back then such thoughts would never have entered my head. David Kolb had not yet introduced his theory of adult learning and I oscillated happily, or not so happily, between action and emotion. More than once impetuosity led me into danger. Only the excitement of the moment mattered. There was collateral damage of course but because it was mostly emotional and unseen, to me it didn’t exist. Indeed, as an engineering student, I lived under the illusion that only the strictly rational mattered. Science reigned supreme. Although I would have denied the contribution of emotion to my life, with hindsight it was driving everything. Ego (but more realistically Id) reigned supreme! Fortunately life directions change, but unfortunately the changes are mostly painful at the time. It seems impossible for us to learn life’s hardest lessons without personal involvement. We will continue to bolt the gates after the horses have gone. Thankfully however we eventually accept the need for gates and we do close them. It would be sad indeed if they were left open because we didn’t recognise them or no longer cared. So I’m happy now that the alcohol, chemicals and latex are now distant memories. It’s a shame however that despite the lack of distractions, it’s harder than ever to concentrate. The laughter and excitement of a school playground brings a smile to the face of every parent and even moreso to grandparents. As I embark on my latest studies my feelings are truly intergenerational. I can see myself from multiple vantage points. Several gates are firmly closed, I am safe, I am joyful, I am curious and excited. And though I’m now closer to falling over a zimmerframe than a skipping rope there’s a big smile on my face and I’m happy to be alive. Quiet now please, the bell has sounded!